


Marleyan Snow

by Thenerdintheattic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Christmas Miracles, Fluff, M/M, Reibert - Freeform, Reibert Secret Santa, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 07:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17157884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thenerdintheattic/pseuds/Thenerdintheattic
Summary: Four years after the Shinganshina fiasco, Reiner is still learning to live with  Bertholtd's death and the guilt it induced.My secret santa gift for RadicalLindsay :)





	Marleyan Snow

It hardly ever snowed in Marley.

Those old enough to remember the last blizzard would say it was due to atmospheric reasons : the climate was too oceanic, the air not cold enough and filled with salt. Those born after the last snow storm didn’t care : if it couldn’t help putting an end to wars, then what was the point? And others, old and young, had another theory on the matter : snow had to be earned and no child of Marley deserved it.

As he was heading for the training camp that morning, Reiner didn’t have any opinion whatsoever on snow. His mind was troubled by far worse predicaments. War was one of them, as it was for everyone in Marley. Pieck and Galliard were on the front right now, fighting the Middle East, an enemy who, according to recent reports, had developed a new weapon able to kill titans. He didn’t care much for his own life but he was worried for Galliard and Pieck, and, especially, for the children. His children - Falco, Zophia, Udo and Gaby. All so eager, all so brave. He didn’t want any of them to die. He didn’t want to lose anyone else. Not after Bertholdt, sacrificed on the shrine of war. His heart twisted, like each time he was thinking about him.

Reiner shook his head. he couldn’t afford to think about him. He couldn’t afford the pain and the sadness. He buried his hands deeper in his pockets and was about to speed up when someone grabbed his arm. It was violent, an intrusion in his personal space. His first instinct was to fight. Punch, kick, turn into the armoured titan if needed be. Years of training were still dictating his life when all he wanted to to was give up.

He swang on his feet to face the old man still holding his arm. He was unshaved and dressed in rags - perfect material for the new titan campaign, Reiner thought despite himself.

“Snow! Today. It heralds only one thing. A miracle.”

The man was nuts. Or drunk. Or both. Reiner freed his arm and took a step backwards. He should have left straight away, he didn’t want to be late at training, but he remained several seconds speechless, battling against this urge to ask more. Finally, shutting up his curiosity at the back of his mind, he turned around and proceeded to camp. The right thing to do would have been to tell him to pull himself together, give himself a clean shave and go on with his life. At least give the pretence of being a functional citizen. But he didn’t have the time nor the energy, as selfish as that might sound.

Reiner forgot the incident as soon as he arrived at camp though. As usual, his loneliness and tiredness simply vanished with the sight of the children trotting towards him, just like every morning.

“Mr Reiner, how did you sleep?”

“Do you think we’ll get to fight in a real battle soon?”

“Have you heard from Miss Pieck?”

He always made a point to answer each and every questions. Somehow, the ritual had become essential, like a reminder that he hadn’t screwed up everything yet. He didn’t know how long that would last but the way they were all looking up to him was comforting.

These four kids were so important and not because they were future titan receptacles. They reminded him of his childhood, of simpler times when all that mattered was to make his father proud. How things had changed! Marcel, Annie and Bertholdt were gone - the biggest fuckery in the history of fuckeries.

“Mr Reiner, will you watch us train today?”

He would. Of course he would when the objective of those tests and trainings were to determine which one of them would inherit the armoured titan. His titan. Of course, he would have his word to say, after all who better than him could decide who was fit for this particular titan? So, like most days, he spent the morning observing, asking himself which one of these kids he would condemn to thirteen years of misery.

*

If the mornings were devoted to the physical training of the future titan receptacles, the afternoons were all about tactics and theoretical exercises. It had been established that Reiner wasn’t needed for this particular part of the training. He would then spend his afternoons with Zeke Jeager and Marleyan officers preparing attacks on the Middle East and developing new ways of using pure titans in the war. After the Shinganshina fiasco, as it was referred to now, he was surprised to be consulted about something as vital as strategy. In the last four years, he had had to go the extra mile to prove to everyone, including himself, that he was still fit to be a warrior. He had been rewarded by being given the rank of vice commander and a special place in the new titan receptacles training. All in all, he couldn’t complain about his current situation.

That particular day wasn’t about the war with the Middle East, though. It would be won in no time anyway, or so the higher ups kept saying. No, their new priority was to prepare for a possible attack from the people of Paradis. The Marleyan officers had made titan against titan combat their new priority. It had been made very clear to Zeke and Reiner that they couldn’t lose again to Eren Jaeger’s attack titan and the Scouts. Not when they still had the founding titan and possibly the female and colossal as well. Reiner’s input had been very valuable to develop new methods to counteract the Scouts’ ODM gears and he really had hoped his participation would stop there but he’d had his titan ass kicked too many time by Eren and the Scouts to be left alone. Which was unfortunate really, because it meant he had to fight against the beast titan too often for his own good. It had already been established that Zeke Jaeger was a better warrior than he was, hence his promotion to commander, and getting wrecked every other day wasn’t helping with his self-confidence.

That afternoon was one of those day.

Reiner could only envy the beast titan’s relaxed posture. He wasn’t stupid enough to buy it though, it was just an act to make him attack thoughtlessly (Reiner had learnt that the hard way) but he still envied the apparent cockiness. On the other side of the field, the armoured titan was standing slightly sideways, knees bent and shoulders forwards. He wouldn’t attack first. He could take a few blows after all and that was exactly what he planned to. Make his opponent think he’d had him - it wouldn’t be too difficult, people tended to forget that Reiner was tougher than anyone else and if he didn’t break his concentration, he knew he could take on the shit storm that was about to hit him and still have enough juice to kick Zeke’s ass. And when the beast titan would lower his guard, Reiner would make his move : attack so fast no one would see it coming.

He didn’t get to kick anyone’s ass though. Just before the beast titan started to move forwards, it started to snow. It caught Reiner’s attention for only a few seconds ; it was enough to settle the issue of the fight. Blows fell and Reiner tried his best to take control back on the situation. In vain. One last uppercut made him fly a few metres backwards and, as he knocked his head on reception, he blacked out.

*

The cold woke him up. Reiner’s first thought was that Bertholdt had stolen his blanket again during the night. Considering that that boy didn’t suffer from the cold like anyone else, Reiner couldn’t help but find that ironic. But Bertholdt was weird like that, especially when it came to sleeping. The pain in every single one of his muscles told another story though. It came back, slowly, painfully. He wasn’t on Paradis, sharing a bunk with his best friend. He was back on Marley, Zeke had just severely kicked his ass and Bertholdt was dead.

Reiner moaned and opened his eyes. Above him, the sky was white and cotton-like and the snow was still falling on his face. He turned his head to the side to see the carcass of his titan, shattered and smoking. He briefly wondered who had taken him out of there before deciding that it didn’t matter. That particular defeat he had been humiliating, more than any others. He hadn’t even touched Zeke and had passed out so hard that he was now laying in the snow, his ass completely frozen.

He tried to move, the pain irradiating his body was almost blinding and he decided that, for the moment, the cold was preferable. He closed his eyes again. Even if the damage had not been inflicted to his real body, it didn’t mean that he didn’t feel the pain. It wouldn’t last, though. It never did. Pain always faded, whether he wanted it or not.

“Take it easy.”

Reiner’s heart stopped as he suddenly became aware of the presence next to him. He shouldn’t have been so surprised, after all, someone did put him out of his titan but the voice sounded vaguely familiar -like a memory buried deep in his mind, calm and soothing- and yet, and couldn’t pinpoint who it belonged to.

His eyelids lifted. Someone was leaning over him but his vision was too blurry by the shock and the snow to make the features out. He blinked several times, confused.

“He’s always too hard on you. I should tell him to give you a break some time.”

There was concern there, true, selfless concern. Only one person had cared that much about him. One boy, picking him up during training, teaching him to shoot, listening, always listening. One teenager, having his back all the time. Someone he had let down. Someone who was dead.

“Bertholdt?” His voice was shaky, full of tears. He swallowed and for one blessed second, he truly believed that it was him.

“Yeah?”

The face became clearer. Now Reiner could make out that olive-toned skin, the thin lips and crooked nose, those green eyes and dark hair he thought he’d never see again. He crawled back, instinctively.

“But … How? … You can’t be ….”

“Reiner, you ok?”

That touch of concern again, truthful. It looked like Bertholdt, it sounded like Berthold, it even acted like Bertholdt. But it couldn’t be. Maybe he was still out from the shock, maybe he was dreaming, maybe he was definitely going insane.

Reiner sat up, closed his eyes and opened them again but Bertholdt was still there, kneeling in the snow close to him, his brow furrowed in worry. The cold on his skin, the pain in his body, the twist in his stomach, it was all too clear, all too real. He wasn’t dreaming.

“But you’re dead! You’re. Dead. They got you. Zeke saw it. Pieck too. They couldn’t do anything for you. I couldn’t …”

“Reiner, I’m obviously not dead.” Concerned was still there, more distinct. Oh great! Now Bertholdt -or whoever it was- thought he was crazy. It felt like being pulled back four years ago.

And obviously Bertholdt was not dead. He couldn’t be, not when he was standing next to him. Maybe he hadn’t died after all. Reiner hadn’t seen it. Maybe the Scouts had just taken him captive, like Annie. Maybe Bertholdt had escaped and come back.

Yeah, that was the only possible solution. The dead stayed dead. Always.

Bertholdt tilted his head on the side softly and a rush of happiness invaded him. Bertholdt was alive. Bertholdt was back. Reiner shoot off to his friend’s arms and hugged him like the world was ending around them. But it was quite the opposite. The world wasn’t ending. It was starting again, new and beautiful, just because Bertholdt was in it again.

“Wow. Ok.”

Bertholdt hugged back. He was warm and Reiner could feel his heart beating in his chest. Boom boom. Boom boom. Boom boom.

He was alive.

The cold didn’t exist anymore. The snow kept falling on the two of them but the cold didn’t exist, not when Bertholdt was alive. Reiner pulled back. As much as he wanted to stay in this position, he needed answers.

“When did you arrive? How did you escape?”

“What do you mean?”

“When did you come back home?”

Bertholdt hesitated. Maybe he wasn’t allowed to say. But it didn’t matter. Reiner didn’t care when he had returned and how. He didn’t care about the details, not when Bertholdt was next to him again, so close that he could smell him sweat. He smiled internally.

_Really? Even under the snow, Bertholdt?_

“We came back four years ago? Don’t you remember? Gosh Zeke must have hit you harder than I thought.”

Four years. Reiner closed his eyes again. Trying to remember. Maybe Bertholdt had come back with him. Maybe it had all just been a nightmare. Yet, he remembered going back to Marley, he remembered the pain as his limbs were growing back, he remembered asking Pieck about Bertholdt, he remembered her looking down and not answering. He remembered crying and begging Zeke to go back. He remembered all that.

But he also remembered laying next to Bertholdt after they had come back home, neither of them actually believing that they had made it, neither of them recalling exactly how long they had been gone. He remembered the two of them talking all night long, reminiscing about their friends, promising themselves they would go back for Annie.

He didn’t know what was true anymore. Bertholdt had died and yet, there he was, holding Reiner’s hand, his cheeks pink with the cold and his hair wet, dripping with melted snow. He had never looked more alive and Reiner knew he was this close to give in, accept this gift for what it was and convince himself that Bertholdt’s death had only been a nightmare. And after all, why not?

He got up and Bertholdt did the same without letting go of his hand. He didn’t know how long he’d been unconscious but everyone else was gone and the ground was covered with a thin layer of snow.

“Where’s everyone?”

“They all went inside. They were all too cold outside.”

“And you’re not?”

Bertholdt shrugged, like the answer was that obvious.

“I didn’t want to leave you.”

Of course, he didn’t. When Bertholdt let go of his hand, they both started towards the barracks where the others had gathered. When they entered, Zeke looked at Reiner from up his glasses but before he had the time to make any comment, the four children were running towards him, wincing.

“We saw what happened from inside.” Gaby explained. “Are you ok?”

Reiner smiled - he never had to force smiles with those four - and leaned towards them, gesturing them to come closer.

“I let him win.” he whispered and he heard the four of them gasped and chuckle softly. When he straightened up again, they were all looking at him with glowing eyes full of admiration and he heart sank a little with the lie he had just told.

He took a step back, next to Bertholdt. Next to Bertholdt. The thought made his heart go crazy. He looked up and his eyes met Zeke’s again. Maybe all of this was just a terrible joke. He needed to be sure. He left Bertholdt with the children and joined Zeke and Magath.

“Vice commander Braun.”

He saluted. From the corner of his eye, he saw Bertholdt playing with the children and his heart missed a beat. He wasn’t the only one. Bertholdt was really there and more than that, no one seemed dephased by his being here. Just like it was completely normal. He noticed that Magath was talking to him, probably commenting on his disappointed performance earlier. He forced himself to listen.

“... but I’m sure that commander Jaeger will be more capable of reviewing with you what was the problem in today’s training.”

“Yes, sir.”

Magath nodded approvingly and left. Reiner found himself alone with Zeke, embarrassed. He heard Bertholdt laugh close by.

“Can I ask you something?”

Zeke nodded and Reiner took the jump. He had to be careful, he had successfully hidden his mental problems all these years but he didn’t want to give anyone any reason to suspect that he wasn’t fit to be a warrior.

“What happened in Shinganshina, four years ago?”

Zeke raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. Reiner felt a presence behind him and he didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Bertholdt, having his back as always.

“You mean when we lost the coordinate? When we barely escaped alive? When Pieck had to carry the three of us away, tails between our legs? I’m surprised you of all people even ask about that.”

The three of us. Including Bertholdt. Reiner’s face crumbled for a brief second. He felt Bertholdt’s hand on his arm, felt the warmth exulting from his body, felt his presence so alive.

“I think you should take it easy on him sometimes. We all know you like to prove you’re superior to all of us but please, try to restrain yourself when Pieck isn’t around to be impressed.” Bertholdt sounded … pissed, so far away from the Bertholdt he remembered, and was standing up for him and if he hadn’t had any self control, Reiner would have started to cry. “The Shinganshina fiasco isn’t only Reiner’s fault.” That last sentence had been whispered but the accusation in those words was loud and clear to both Reiner and Zeke.

Zeke opened his mouth to reply but Bertholdt didn’t give him the opportunity. His hand on Reiner’s arm turned into a firm grasp.

“Today’s training is over, I believe, so I think we’ll head home. Good night, commander.”

The last word had been particularly stressed, another sign of defiance Reiner would have never believed it possible from Bertholdt. He stayed silent and let himself be guided out of the room.

Falco, Udo, Zofia and Gaby followed them into the night. It had stopped snowing but the wind was carrying the snow covering the ground right in their faces and they had to walk heads down to protect themselves. Bertholdt hadn’t let go of Reiner’s arm. The kids were chatting among themselves and for once, Reiner didn’t have the heart to participate. He kept thinking about what Bertholdt had said, how he had defended him in front of Zeke and how it was even more incredible than him being back from the dead.

It didn’t take them long to reach the barrack where the warriors and future warriors lived. Reiner made sure all the kids were going to bed but he was running on autopilot. He was very aware of Bertholdt upstairs. It wasn’t only the sound the wooden floor creaking as he was walking above them, it was like a presence in the house. He said goodnight, switched off the lights and headed upstairs where the warriors’ living quarters were. Pieck and Galliard were on the front, Zeke was still out. It was just the two of them now.

Reiner took a deep breath and knocked softly on Bertholdt’s bedroom door. The answer arrived a millisecond after and Reiner let himself in. Bertholdt was sitting on his bed with a book. He had put on wet clothes and had dried his hair reminding Reiner that he was still completely wet. He should have been freezing to death but couldn’t feel a thing. That’s probably what it felt to be Bertholdt.

“Thank you.” he finally said. “For defending me before.”

Bertholdt put his book down.

“I hate when they keep blaming you for everything. And Zeke needs to be put back to his right place sometimes. He always thinks he is so much better than us.”

“Still. It’s not like you to stand up for me. To stand up for anyone for that matter.”

“What are you talking about?”

Reiner sighed. It was still Bertholdt, his sweet and caring Bertholdt but he seemed also more incisive and sure of himself. After all, four years would do that to a man. But how could he not remember?

“I learnt from you, Reiner. You’re the one who told me I had to be more reliable, remember?”

Yes. He did remember that. It was one of the last thing he had said to him. Or maybe it wasn’t. His mind was foggy, paralysed. Bertholdt got up from the bed to touch Reiner’s soaked clothes.

“You should have a shower. You’ll catch your death.”

Reiner nodded weakly. But now that he had his friend before his eyes again, he didn’t want to leave him. Bertholdt offered him an encouraging smile and it was enough to wake Reiner from the apathetic state he had fallen into. He smiled back and headed for the door.

“Are you coming back?” Bertholdt asked.

“Of course.”

When he came back to Bertholdt’s room, a steamy mug of tea was waiting for him. He beamed and jumped on the bed, causing Bertholdt to wince. He sticked his tongue out in response and settled in the pillows, his warm mug in his hands, before looking through the window. With the light of the street lamps, he could see the snow whirling. It wasn’t the first time he was seeing snow of course - he had a vivid memory of the snowy mountains - but here in Marley with Bertholdt, it felt magical.

“I think I’m going bonkers.”

A hand crawled on his arm but he didn’t stop looking through the window.

“You’re not mad. You just had your own way of dealing with the guilt. We all had.”

Ah yes, the split personality. Since he had gone back to Marley, Reiner never had another episode but now, sharing tea with a man he had thought dead for four years, he wasn’t so sure. Was he just imagining all this as a way to manage his guilt? Why now?

He turned towards Bertholdt, biting his lips.

“Promise me you won’t laugh but … until I came back to my senses before you were … dead. You had died in Shinganshina and now … now I’m not so sure anymore. I remember the pain of losing you and the guilt. But I also remember you, back home with me and I don’t know what’s real anymore.”

The hand slid down on his fingers brushing them before moving to his face. Reiner leaned against that palm, eyes closed, feeling the softness of the skin and the warmth emanating from Bertholdt’s whole body.

“Doesn’t that feel real?”

He nodded. It did. But he wasn’t sure that he could trust his sense of reality, not when being a soldier back in Paradis had been as real as that hand on his cheek.

“Reiner, I’m really here. I swear I did come back from Paradis with you four years ago.”

Reiner put his hand above Bertholdt’s as if to prevent it from ever going away.

“I’m afraid it’s just all a dream. That I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

A dream would say that. Or a hallucination. Or a ghost. The hand on his cheek pressed softly, making him look at Bertholdt.

“I’m real.”

It would be so easy to believe it, so easy to let all those memories of Bertholdt invade his mind, replacing the current ones. It would all be so much better.

_“Snow! Today. It heralds only one thing. A miracle.”_

The words came back to his mind almost violently. Reiner didn’t believe in miracle - how could he really, when life had made him so miserable?

“Did you know that snow in Marley has to be earned?”

Bertholdt shook his head. Of course he didn’t know. It was a fairy tale and warriors didn’t believe in fairy tales. There were no happy endings for warriors.

“That’s why it never snows. No child of Marley deserves it.”

“You’re a child of Marley.”

Reiner winced. Not his proudest heritage.

“And you deserve a miracle.” Bertholdt smiled. “Maybe I’m your miracle.”

Whether Bertholdt was a miracle, or a dream, or whether Reiner was going crazy didn’t matter. He was given another shot at making things right ; he had to make the most of it. It was his chance, his only chance to let Bertholdt know how he truly felt.

He brushed Bertholdt’s fingers with his thumb and brought their two faces only inches away. He gave Bertholdt a few seconds to move back if he wanted to but as he didn’t seem very keen on putting more distance between them, he softly put his mouth on Bertholdt’s and kissed him like nothing else mattered. He didn’t really expect Bertholdt to kiss back (to be fair, he didn’t know what he expected) and for a moment, it did feel like a fairy tale. It had to be a dream though because nothing could be this perfect.

They moved back from each other, hearts beating furiously in their chests and cheeks pink with lust. Bertholdt put his head on Reiner’s shoulder, intertwining their fingers.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Because it was never the right moment?”

A mission on enemy territory wasn’t exactly the perfect place to declare one’s undying love. Besides, they had been kids back then and he had been convinced that Chrysta had a crush on him. But then again, he had also convinced himself he was a soldier sworn to rid the world of titans. Saying that he had been confused was an understatement.

“You could have said something when we came back. Or during the four years after that.”

“So could you.”

“I was dead, remember?”

They laughed and Reiner felt so good not to freak out about losing his own mind. He put his cup of tea on the table before lying down on the bed. Bertholdt stood up obviously not knowing what to do with his hands. He didn’t look so confident all of a sudden, more like the teenager Reiner remembered, all blushing and awkward.

“What’s wrong?”

“Huh … Is it appropriate to … sleep together?”

Reiner rolled his eyes, amused. He had missed that Bertholdt, he had missed seeing him freak out at little things.

“I don’t know what’s appropriate. But …” he moved to make more space in the bed. “I don’t want to waste another minute not kissing you.”

From red, Bertholdt turned crimson and hurried in the bed next to Reiner. It took several awkward attempts before they settled on a position that accommodate both of them. After all, they were two grown men in a single bed, the night promised to be most uncomfortable. Not that any of them cared.

Yet, Reiner knew he should get back to his own bedroom. He didn’t even want to imagine what would happen if anyone saw him coming out of Bertholdt’s room in the morning but in the moment, he couldn’t care less about the consequences. He wanted more of Bertholdt, more of his warmth, more of his legs wrapped around his body like a protective cocoon. He knew he shouldn’t close his eyes because if he did, he would never get up again. But his eyelids were so heavy and he was too tired to struggle against happiness.

Maybe one child of Marley did deserve a miracle after all.

Reiner closed his eyes, feeling drowsiness claim him. It had been a long day. Long and full of surprises. He pressed Bertholdt hand, like to check that he was still there.

“Promise me you’ll still be there when I wake up.” he said, half asleep.

“I promise.”


End file.
